i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize