I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
