I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
