You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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