Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
