Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
