respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
