just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
