I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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