she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
