Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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