i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the liver wants what the liver wants
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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