Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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