I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
