he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
