you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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