I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
