He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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