Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
there is glitter all over my balls
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