I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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