I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you had me at cake vodka
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
God I need to hump something, right now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
