I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
