walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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