talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
