obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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