Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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