i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
