Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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