I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
