woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
