youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
