i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
