You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
