I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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