THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize