She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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