You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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