The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
