he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
