Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
