Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
