I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
