I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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