can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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