Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize