Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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