You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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