why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
