a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
