so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
