My first STD was from a foam party
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
