im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
