Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
