D3 body, D1 cock
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
