$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
