Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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