I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize