This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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