You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
