Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Farmville is her only friend.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
