Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
