I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I want to fling myself into the sun
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
