so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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