she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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