i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
