So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
