he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
