dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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