How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
