Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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