I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
