she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
