I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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