I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
