kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
