there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We got so high we made milksteak
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
