can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
