She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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