dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
