Sry I called you an 8
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
