so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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