Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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