Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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