can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
