I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
