Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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