fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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